Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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