At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
