All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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