i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
