every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
