Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
