I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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