oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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