Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize