The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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