So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
