Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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