Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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