So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She announced her abortion via fbk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
