my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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