I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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