well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
