His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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