i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
