Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
