I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
