it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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