I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
