i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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