I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
