Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
