i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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