Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My cat gives me a boner
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
