So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
