oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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