So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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