seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
