wanna go halves on a baby?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize