Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
