Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
