My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I came so hard my ears popped.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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