then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
