She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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