I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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