Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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