Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
