So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
