So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
