hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
