GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
