Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
