I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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