haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
