Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
