The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
