Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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