You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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