Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
