Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I understand Curling. That high.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
