trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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