names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
