what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
