He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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