remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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