Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
