On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
