You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
