dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
