my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
