Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
