He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i came on her dog
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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