I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
