why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
